Home. It's hard to explain. First, where really is that so called place home? Where Jesus asks you to go, where your family is, where you have friends, the act of making people your make-shift family, a place with security, a place with peace? I'm not sure really. Being in the place I grew up, with my parents and siblings has been good. A lot of adjustment for many reasons but all in all it's good. Being around people who do the same weird things that apparently aren't "normal" is comforting. :)
Really the emotional ups and downs and curve balls are far too lengthy to go into in this small space of internet. But I do want to share about what Jesus has been teaching me in the past little bit.
Judge. What does it mean to you? Only the fancy pants men/women who wear funny wigs and declare "guilty" or "not guilty"? What high-school kids do to every moving creature? Possibly the quite thoughts in your head that may or may not come out of your mouth?
Judge: (verb) to form an opinion of, decide upon critically.
My mouth has always been a struggle. (if my parents are reading this they could probably agree...) I say things that aren't kind or without thought. I used to have a back-talking problem that got me grounded for a straight year! Since I've made following Jesus more of a priority, my heart wants to speak kind things. That doesn't always happen. I find myself naturally inclined to form opinions about others. It could be their hair, their walk, their weight, their choices. Most of the time what ever formed opinion in my head comes flowing out of my mouth. Now since I have an active relationship with Jesus I've tried to train my mouth to not spout off said opinions because it's not kind, helpful, or necessary. Again, sometimes that doesn't happen.
This past, errmmmm month I would say, I've been asking God to put a guard on my lips. (my choice, but these things always go better with His help!) Then yesterday I realised how bitter and gross my heart still is. How prone I am to say hateful things for no reason. It was discouraging.
After that, I realised that I find people extremely beautiful. Old people with wrinkles all over and look like they are going to break if you hug them too hard. Freshly born babies with gunk all over them, screaming and making really funny faces that they will regret when they are 20. Toddlers who are super chunky and independent(troublemaking) but still need to cry in their mother's laps. Teenagers who wear what they want and don't worry about the new acne that has suddenly cursed their faces because they are still naive enough to not care.
All of the previous humblejumble to say; I say judgemental things because other people are doing it.
How stupid is that? Extremely.
I was reading Matthew this morning and the first 6 verses are all about judging others. (a spiritual "spanking" if you will!) Then my friend's mom hands me the book "Jesus Calling" and todays entry is all about.....you guessed it: Judging others. In the entry it talks about the idea of Jesus being offended when we (his children) judge one another and indulge in self-hatred. That struck a cord in my tiny little heart. How many times a day do I offend the one I so badly want to serve? How many times a day do I hurt the perfect Daddy with the words I speak over his precious, beautiful children? How many times a day do I tell myself, "you aren't good enough"?
Too many.
I have no right to say things about anyone else or myself. God is the only one "qualified" to judge.
Moral of this holy smack: speak out the details of beauty I see. Tell the old woman she is beautiful. Tell the teenager that his opinion is valid. So really, the thing my mom has been saying since I could hear....: If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.
awesome.
